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Things That crack Me Up

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Things That crack Me Up

Things That Crack Me Up as adapted from Billy Connolly:

3. When people say «Oh you just want to have your cake and

eat it too». F*cking right! What good is a cake if you can’t eat it?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, «Has

the bus come yet?». If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?

11. When you’re eating something and someone asks ‘Is that

nice?’ No it’s Really revolting — I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks

that’s an image I really didn’t need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don’t understand you if

you don’t insert the ‘Mc’ before the item you are ordering. It has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I’ll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f*king McTosser.

To crack someone up

Прослушайте и проговорите идиому несколько раз (3-6 раз), и переходите к её изучению.

To crack someone up — означает рассмешить кого-то очень сильно, поднять настроение. Обычно эту идиому используют, чтобы описать условие, в котором одному человеку (было) грустно, и ему хотят поднять (подняли) настроение.

You are such a joker, your jokes are crack me up in any kind of situation

Ну ты и шутник, твои шутки всегда поднимают мне настроение

Lim Carrey always cracks me up

Лим Керри постоянно смешит меня

That joke was so funny we cracked up

Этот анекдот был таким смешным, что мы расхохотались

For anyone confused, he chose to interpret «DM» as Dungeon Master, rather than Direct Message.


I only understood it as Dungeon Master, I had no idea what else it even meant.

Hmmm. Traps? That’s a good idea. Yeah there’s a trap and you set it off.

Ooh. Tough luck. Well at least you don’t need to buy gloves in pairs anymore

I’ve never heard anyone use DM as direct message

I check for traps.

last time I played DnD my friend pushed another friend off a cliff. As a gracious DM, I gave him a bunch of chances to roll saving throws to avoid certain death.

He rolled a 1, five times in a row.

I guess fate just wanted him dead.

OOOH OOOH I KNOW THIS ONE! Cast dancing lights and proceed through the chasm.

Yeah. Shouldn’t it be pm?

Oh no! The lock was magical and your repeated fails have triggered an ancient curse. Your hand swells up to be the size of your head while your head shrinks and shrivels away. Controlled by the ancient curse, your bloody skull erupts from beneath your hand’s skin as you proceed to beat yourself to death with your own head.

You won Dugeons&Dragons! Congratulations!

But Nissan makes pathfinder, not GM.

Are there any girls there?!

If you are a sorcerer of light, how come you had to cast magic missle?

What, just on anything? Crit fail picking a lock 3 times, head explodes?

I’ve gotten used to GM now that I’ve started into Pathfinder.

No wait, Nissa’s a Plainswalker, not a Pathfinder.


We let the bard go in first.

Five? When I DM, house rule is that three consecutive natural ones is a death

Twitter calls them «direct messages», so that probably just spread to other platforms.

That’s actually pretty hilarious. PM would have been much better to use in that instance

When did DM start taking the place of PM? I feel like I’ve been seeing a trend of more people using DM

Huh, I always figured there was a story behind the Munchkin card, but I never actually looked into it. TIL

I still like nat 1 three times in diplomacy checks = death.

No, silly, [[Path]] can’t hit planeswalkers

Wait, why is this not a thing? There should be a subreddit for playing DnD in the comments, where people make their decisions and the DM replies.

A swing and a miss.

it’s from twitter. i think

You have been eaten by a grue.

Reload, Restart, Quit?

It’s up there with

You slip while attempting to pick the lock. You fall forward and the end of your lock pick jams into your eye. In shock from the lock pick stuck in your eye, you regain your feet and trip again, smashing your head against the nearby wall. You break your neck and die instantly.

4th isn’t -horrible-. It’s the New Coke of D&D. There are a lot of people who like it. Granted many more can’t stand it, but still.

You and me both. I figured maybe it was a typo of ‘PM’ or ‘IM’. >_>

Why so? The bot is just being sarcastic and linking a «Path» that can hit planeswalkers!

I want to cast MAGIC MISSILE

I got set on /tell from Everquest so I totally get this.

No, only in combat or an otherwise perilous situation

That’s an amazing price for 4 nobles. just saying

Nope, that’s exactly what I intended.

3/3.5/PF had a lot of flexibility for players, but it was fucking terrible to DM and it’s a broken mess above 10th level or so.

I haven’t actually played any of the older editions, but I’d sooner play them than anything from the 3rd edition branch.

4th was vastly superior from the DM’s perspective, although it wasn’t that great for players.

5th has the flavor and feel of older editions, the flexibility for players of 3rd edition, the simplicity for the DM of 4th edition, and manages to fix the underlying math of the game to boot.

I pull my bow out and roll for 360 no scope

Twitter uses that phrasing. Dunno if anywhere else does.

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